btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
it was like eating out sand paper
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
