Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
You made out with two different species that night
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
