I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
