Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
