Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
