i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
