She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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