'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
