I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
