TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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