is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
