So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
