I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
