your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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