god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
