I'm eating all of the evidence.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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