I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
