Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
