My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
