They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
