Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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