ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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