yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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