Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
My bed smells like the plague
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
