I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
i drank out of a bidet.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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