She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I think i got beer on your cat.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
