giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
