Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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