she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
