I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
