I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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