If i come over, it means nothing
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Randomize
