Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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