so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
