Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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