Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
