ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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