belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
