i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
