Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
