one two three fourrrrnication!
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
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Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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