U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
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IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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