just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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