I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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