i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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