i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
