...so i touched it.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
