Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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