google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
