how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
