i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
