Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
