Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
