Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
