Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize