I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I queefed so loud it echoed.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
