Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Randomize
