dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb