She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"