just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
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Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
They have beer where we have blood.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.