addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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