I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
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