fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
