Farmville is her only friend.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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