beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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