census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
