Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
