I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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