Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize