apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
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Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
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All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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